Clueless

I am sooooo lost.  I have no idea what I'm doing, what I should be doing or where I should do this.

Three years ago I was forced to take a medical retirement.  I should be settled into my new life, but nothing can be further from the truth.

Since being forced onto medical retirement I have dived into a plethora of volunteer roles.  Along with this, I have attempted to work as a freelance writer.

Right now I hold four volunteer roles, and I feel absolutely useless.  I have yet to find my sweet spot. Some of my roles fill my soul whereas one in particular makes me want to drink.  The role I LOVE is  the adoption event coordinator for The Humane Animal Rescue Team.  The events are so much fun and what I appreciate the most is the fellow volunteers.  It is obvious that there is one reason that people volunteer at the events.  It's all about the dogs and the commitment to animal rescue,  I have so much admiration for those who go out on the rescue missions.  They see things that I am too weak to see.

Now I desperately need a new purpose. I have even entertained the idea of going back to work.  It's hard to acknowledge the fact that doing this will only cause my disease to progress faster. There's a lack of self-esteem that comes with not earning your paycheque.  I had career ambitions that will never come to fruition. My life did not go as planned and that sucks.

Now I have to take a serious and honest look at myself.  What am I good at?  What are my skills?  I'm becoming increasingly disillusioned with writing.  I've applied for many positions with very little success. 

It's time to get over what was, my dreams and ambitions and move on.  The biggest question is how?

Ableism and the Victim Mentality

Since I took a medical retirement I've been busy either volunteering or doing glamorous housewife duties such as grocery shopping or taking the dog to the vet.  In between this, I like to be a lady who lunches.
Yesterday I met a friend for lunch.  When asked the perfunctory "for how many" the hostess looked at me for the answer.  Today I took the dog to the vet.  As I was waiting for my assistant to gather up my dog Anderson Cooper, a woman left the warmth of her vehicle to open the door to the vet clinic for me.  While in the clinic, the receptionist complimented my hair and a woman brought her puppy over to me to meet.  These occurrences are common in my life.  Although I use a wheelchair I do not find that people ignore me or are condescending toward me.
I am very active on social media.  I first heard the term ableism on Facebook.  There are many people with disabilities that feel society is out to get them.

These are the people that protested the movie Me Before You.  In case you haven't seen it it's about a young, handsome rich man who becomes a quadriplegic from an accident.  He decided that he did not want to live his life in a wheelchair so he sought out assisted suicide.  His parents wanted him to wait six months before he did the deed, he agrees.  In comes beautiful assistant and as things happen, they fall in love.  Her love was not enough to keep him from offing himself.  He ends up leaving her a rich woman.  

The protesters thought that a piece of fiction would lead to a disabled holocaust.  They feared that instead of receiving medical treatment when they need it, they would be offered euthanasia.  A movie, which was pretty boring, would lead to an epic number of suicides by people with disabilities.  
Even more puzzling than the notion that a movie will cause a disabled genocide is the anti-cure movement.  Apparently the desire to cure conditions like muscular dystrophy, multiple sclerosis and spinal cord injury is ableist.  The inclination to rid people of said conditions is telling them that there is something intrinsically wrong with them.  It is telling them that they are not good enough.  I have a disease called spinal muscular atrophy.  Recently a treatment for spinal muscular atrophy has been found.  Instead of being offended, I am thrilled.  This may mean that I might regain some upper body strength.  Along with that a simple cold may no longer be life threatening for me.  Sign me up!
I don't identify with my disability.  I identify myself as a wife, fashion maven, dog mom and a friend. In my opinion those who protest a movie or are resistant to a cure are victims.  They are so deeply rooted in their disability that they become a victim to it.  I firmly believe that the way we are treated is influenced by how we present ourself.  If someone is protesting a movie because they fear a piece of fiction will lead to their demise they appear to be a victim.  Before I leave my home I have my hair done, my make-up on and my outfit is well put together.  I receive compliments almost every day.  I think by taking pride in my appearance my wheelchair is less obvious and who I am is more apparent.  The smile on my face and my open demeanour makes me approachable.  I can't deny that I have a disability but I can be certain that a movie won't lead to my extinction and a treatment for SMA will only make my life richer

2017 and an Uncooperative Rooster

It's the year of the rooster and according to Chinese astrology I am a rooster. Given this, I thought that this would be my year. According to Chinese astrology this is just the opposite.  I'm supposed to have a difficult year in all facets of my life.  How much is a girl supposed to take?  I'm very superstitious. There is no way I would walk under a ladder and if a black cat crosses my path, I'm turning around and going the other way!  
Truthfully, nothing can be worse than 2016. Last year I spent two weeks in the ICU, I broke my femur three weeks after I was discharged and I had to say goodbye to my sweet dog Kailey just a few weeks ago. 2016 has not been good to the Young's.
2016 saw a very difficult relationship with my parents and my sister. All I can do is hope that this will change. The last conversation that I had with my father began with me asking him and mother out for breakfast.  Apparently somebody had told him what I say on Facebook which I consider part of my support system. Our conversation ended with him yelling and demanding that I add him on Facebook before he hung up on me. This year I must accept that somethings will never change. A friend of mine pointed out to me that I have way more good than bad in my life. She's right. I have an abundance of close friends for who I am truly grateful for. The best thing that I can do in the coming year is show gratitude for the good and leave the bad behind me.
This new year may bring about a change in my health. There is finally a treatment for spinal muscular atrophy. This does not mean that I will walk, however it may mean that I will get back upper body strength. This would mean more independence for me. This exceeds any dreams that I had for myself. I have accepted SMA and all that goes along with it. I have to say that I would not be able to do this without my loving husband Tim. When I was in ICU he stayed with me the entire time. He is my strength and home.
Despite what the stars are predicting, I'm going to do my best to make this a good year. I am looking at different organizations where I can dedicate my time to causes that mean the most to me.  I have learned a lot last year.  When things aren't going well you really learn who your friends are.  I learned that I am blessed with the most amazing people in my life.  
I'm not letting that rooster get me down.  I'm planning on having an awesome year.  🎉❤🍸